Is cheating out of control?
Cheating– seems to be more prevalent in our society today with the increased use of social media and the use of secret apps such as (KIK), just to name one-off the top of my head.
Why are WE as a society cheating so much? Is it our millennial society( I really wish not to claim myself as a millennial)? Is it the older generation? Is it because we have so many different avenues to talk and share pictures and texts? Is it because our society is working more and have new stressors in our lives that we can’t handle them at home, so we need new experiences to take our minds off what is waiting at home?
What is happening at home? Have couples become room mates instead of a pair, a “team” that works together through life’s obstacles and kisses each other when they get home from work. Or, has it become a pass and go, see you later, pick up the kids, see you tomorrow , check phone, browse internet for hours and lights off, go to sleep?
I, can say sometimes that ever-present PHONE gets in the way of communicating at times. But, I don’t complain because I know he and I need that browsing and social media time. You have to be able to decompress and have time for yourself. But, if it becomes a nuisance, and it has been made clear that it is delaying or preventing conversation, are you able to recognize that, and drop the phone? Or, do you not care, and go about your browsing?
I know there are a lot of help books, and articles, and magazines that speak of this issue. But, what do we do about it?
How do we stop cheating? OR, how can we be BETTER?
I think it goes back to the simple mundane life choices that we all make daily. I like to think of these questions when said cheaters are in the act.
Does it make you feel good? Some may say yes, because they love the adrenaline of sneaking around, they love the high of meeting another person, or sleeping with them, it’s all new and exciting.
Is it fun? Is it fun sneaking around on your phone, waiting for that response from the person, to see if they are available for a quick meet-up?
How does it feel when you get home after the meeting/hook-up? Do you kiss your partner when you get home? Do you kiss them on the lips just the same you did with the person you were with minutes ago? Do you get in the shower as soon as you get home, in hopes to wash off the evidence? Does it make you feel dirty? Or, does it make you feel proud for having another successful meet-up and you haven’t been caught yet?
What happens when the person texts you when you are with your significant other? Do you get nervous? Do you get butterflies? Do you hope that they won’t see the text come through? Or is it hidden in a separate folder that she can’t see or detect if he/she could look through your phone? Do you go hide in the bathroom or go “work outside” so you can talk with this hookup for a bit, because they are exciting and taking you from your “life” at the moment?
Protection, do you use it? Or, risk it? While cheating, are you thinking of the risk of harming your significant other by exposing her or him to infections? Or, are you just risking it because you don’t care, and you are only doing what you want to do, because it feels good? It’s your life and you’re going to do what you want to do.
We only have ONE life. I understand that people feel that we shouldn’t be with the same person for the rest of our lives. We have so many people that we could have intimate relationships with. There are millions of people in this world, you know many of them I/you could be with and have a sexual relationship, what are we limiting ourselves to just one person for?
I understand this concept. I really do, it makes sense. But, isn’t that what our younger years are for, to experience that? TO explore different people. Relationships are a commitment to each other, now I can’t go into what your sex life is, and what you chose as far as exploring outside of a marriage etc, that’s another topic I don’t need to get into, to each their own.
Can we not as a society, stop cheating? I think it starts with the phone. In years before, I believe it was so much harder for people to cheat, now I’m not saying it wasn’t done. Get off the phone!! What do you need all those apps for? Stop browsing Craigslist for hook-ups, or social media sites, or Tinder, etc. It’s all a temptation.
BE IN THE MOMENT, BE PRESENT. Come home after work, hug and kiss your partner, spend some moments with them to reconnect. You don’t necessarily have to talk about your day or work, just talk to each other. Talk about the best part of your day, or what the hardest part was, and how did you overcome that hurdle. Sit at the table, no phones, have a drink or, this might seem crazy, but eat DINNER together. Life, is IMPORTANT, and needs to be cherished, if you can’t find the time to spend with this person you chose the rest of your life with, than you have some self evaluation to do.
You are cheating for a reason. What is making you unhappy? I seem to think of cheating like drinking. The more alcohol you drink, the more depressed you are going to feel. The more you cheat, the you become less happy. You will have increased feelings of regret, anger, sadness, longing for more, feelings of unworthiness, the list could go on. Why?? Why do it when you are going to feel that way? Not to mention the way you will start feeling towards your spouse. You become distant, they start getting on your nerves, you lose respect for them and your self with each meet up you have.
Didn’t you say you loved this person? Didn’t you say you cared for this person? What got you here? Again, that self evaluation comes around.
If you are a cheater, or recovering cheater, or are thinking about doing it, think of these things. Is it worth it for that one night stand? To some, it is. But, then comes the guilt, and the talk that you SHOULD have with you significant other, and hope they will forgive you.
What have you learned?